If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
