bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
