What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
