I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
