She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
