The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
