um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
