WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
