It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
