My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
