I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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