That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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