Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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