Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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