My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
