I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
