I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
