The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
