I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize