Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
