Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's blow job season.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
