So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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