Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
