You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize