Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Text me some of your sweat
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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