I am puke
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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