btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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