Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
