do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
