If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
