yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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