i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
