I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
