Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
