Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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