i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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