do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
