Just cropdusted the office
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
