My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
