I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
