Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize