i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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