You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
