Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
