these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
