Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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