Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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