A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
