when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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