But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
