I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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