I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When are your genitals available?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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