I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
