Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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