You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
