I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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