Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
