Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
