the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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