And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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