someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
