I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
