david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
