omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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