i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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