grandma shit on top of the toilet
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
