yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
