Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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