I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
