at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
