I wish I could teleport
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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