ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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