You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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