I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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