So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
